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hypo of the day

Posted by pocochina on January 28, 2008

If this lowlife were connected to _________, instead of Barack Obama, the general reaction from the media and/or from the average Hipster Liberal(TM) would be ______________.

Ron Paul

A:  Ron Paul is about FREEDOM!  FREEDOM I SWEAR TO GOD NOT HUMAN MISERY FOR EVERYONE BUT ANXIOUS WHITE DUDES LIKE HIM!

B:   Ron Paul is the only man who can SAVE THIS COUNTRY!  BECAUSE HE LOVES FREEDOM!

C:  Ron Paul may be scum, but he is AGAINST THE WAR NO RLY AND THAT IS ALL THAT MATTERS NOT EVEN A HINT OF CONSIDERATION ABOUT DOMESTIC POLICY.  Because talking about domestic policy means THE END OF FREEDOM!

D:  Wow, this really isn’t surprising at all, considering the logical end of his love for wealth stratification, policies which are disproportionately hard on people of color, and general lunacy.  I am so glad he’s not a credible candidate, otherwise this country would be in some serious trouble.

Mike Huckabee:

A:  This just shows how much Huckabee LOVES BABIEZ!  Wait, what do you mean, slums are bad for babies?  Ooooh, something shiny!

B:  Huckabee is totally a Christian, so this must be about loving the sinner and not abusing misery for political gain, like how he said we should round up people with HIV/AIDS.

C:  Christ loves a SLUM LORD.

D:  Huh, this is totally out of character with the tenets of Christianity, his stated religion, which is equally offensive to everyone he wants to force to live under what he considers Christianity.  I sure hope other people of faith are aware that he’s using a perfectly respectable belief system as a tool in his sick misogynist power grab.

John McCain:

A:

B:

C:

D:  Wow, I can’t believe this never came to light before!  It’s almost like people’s love for John McCain is totally irrational and based on what he says is his persona instead of his actual political leanings.

John Edwards:

A:  John Who?

B:  SEE?  SEE?  HE IS SUCH A HYPOCRITE!  Just because he cares about poor people doesn’t mean he actually cares about poor people!  Plus he is a lawyer and they are SATAN.

C:  Duuuuuuuuude, is that his hairdresser?  John Edwards is SUCH A MO.  Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay.

D:  Well, he sure made a mistake with him, but if we measured politicians by their dirtiest supporters, we wouldn’t be able to vote for anyone, plus he did the right thing in not keeping the campaign contributions from him, so I will keep my Rational Hat on while making this decision.*

Hillary Clinton:

A:  ZOMG SHE IS SUCH A BITCH I bet she hired him to KILL VINCE FOSTER!

B:  Christ, just another example of HOW UGLY politics today are!  I am SO not voting for her!  Even though I totally would have, no, really!  She is such a politician.  Nobody else running for elected office is a politician, but her?  Man, she is totally a politician.

C:  She must have castrated him first!

D:  Well, she sure made a mistake with him, but if we measured politicians by their dirtiest supporters, we wouldn’t be able to vote for anyone, plus she did the right thing in not keeping the campaign contributions from him, so I will keep my Rational Hat on while making this decision.*

If you chose D, even once, you are (a) living in a Totally Awesome World, and not the US, (b) living better through pharmaceuticals, (c) headless, or (d) dead.

*This is, of course, how I feel  about the actual situation – he sure made a mistake, but I’m not going to measure Obama by this jackass alone, nor am I going to use it to justify the fact that he’s not my dream candidate, or even my favorite.  Because my Rational Hat is on.  I am, however, annoyed when he gets a free pass, as if he doesn’t have to run in the same race as everyone else because he is inspiring or something.  I either want everyone to be allowed to focus on the issues, or everyone to be put through the same grind.  Also because my Rational Hat is on.

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