Pocochina’s Weblog

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tired

Posted by pocochina on October 16, 2007

Normally, I’d have some snark.  A couple hours ago, I did.  I had a great bit about how I feel like Annie Sullivan in that shitty movie version of The Miracle Worker.  (“Women are people!  W-A-T-E-R, HELEN, WATER!” It was especially good because Helen Keller was a badass socialist feminist who would totally back me up.  See?  Good snark.)  A couple days ago, I definitely did.

But right now I’m drained.

The future lawmakers of the next few decades are learning/saying things like:

“Premarital sex is analogous to heroin use.”

“Women should be liable for what happens to their fetuses from the time they know they’re pregnant.”

“Laws overturned by the Court haven’t really been that important recently.  Like the Violence Against Women Act.”

“Women who could be pregnant , even if they weren’t a few days ago, shouldn’t receive emergency x-rays.”

I’m so uncomfortable talking about pregnancy in class.  I don’t know why.  I’ve never been pregnant, and I don’t plan to be for the next few years.  Maybe it was because today I’d left open an article on my laptop before class had started, you know, the one about how 48% of abortions worldwide are unsafe, about how pregnant women die horribly just for being women and there’s people in this country who support that experience and call themselves pro-life. I despise that my casebook, put out by one of the most prolific publishers in legal education, lumps rape together with property crime.  I don’t like that whenever we discuss overturning Supreme Court decisions, it’s always Roe.  Our bodies, my body, a vague statistical hypothetical.  Usually in law school, to take the pain out of the tragic things we discuss, we go over the top and get all campy – it’s not just bad driving, there was a newborn baby convention in the middle of the highway!  That’s bizarre, which is why it works to at least partially distract us from the sadness we sometimes have to face.  Roe being overturned, forcing underprivileged women to suffer the fear and agony we thought we’d left behind, is all too possible.

I know this is why it’s important that I didn’t get that Master’s in Gender and Sexuality Studies.  I know that’s why I should be gratified I didn’t run off to write for Europe on a Shoestring.  I know this is why people like me – women and men and neitheroftheabove – need to be lawyers.  I know the injustice to my feelings is nothing compared to the damage this outlook does and will continue to do to other people.

That doesn’t make the endless litany of “bitches ain’t shit” any easier to hear.

The way I’m reacting tonight scares me.  I am used to feeling tired, frustrated, sofuckingangry, like a broken record, privileged, overprivileged, neither, both, confused, overwhelmed, ohsofucking not up to the task.  But hopeless is a new one for me.

Here’s to tomorrow.

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