Pocochina’s Weblog

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sex, drugs, & britney spears

Posted by pocochina on October 4, 2007

I’m quickly crystallizing  thoughts about something that deeply frustrates me about not living in a feminist world.  It makes me *so* upset to hear about “lug”s and bisexuals until graduation and what the  hell ever.

I understand, as best as a woman with het-privilege can, that it makes life that much more difficult on LBT women who are already marginalized.  I know that if *I* had gone through that process of examining outsiderhood, realizing that it was me, and then being *unspeakably* brave and coming out, you’d have to hold me the fuck back every time I heard “my friend JoAnn tried that whole gay thing, and now she’s married to Bob and they have BABIEZ.”  I can’t imagine how it feels to love someone who you think has gone through that with you, and then you find out she was “just experimenting.”  The image of drunk sorority sisters kissing at a bar gets thrown around a lot.

It’s bizarre think of, but in a vacuum, that’s totally morally neutral.  There is nothing inherently bad or anti-feminist about exhibitionism.  It is not wrong.  It is not immoral or something you should only do when youre omg soooooooooooo drunk did that really happen?  It can be enjoyable, it can be important, it can be sexual and hot and fun.  Same with experimentation.  If you are attracted to someone, and there is mutual consent, you’re allowed to make out and you’re allowed to get into it and you’re allowed to enjoy it.  Maybe you’re gay, and maybe you’re not, and you’re allowed to find out.  It is not wrong.  But we don’t live in a vacuum, we live in a world where that hurts other women.

But it hurts queer-identified women, because we live in a sexist heteronormative world that ranks some experiences as valid and some experiences as not, and in general, still cannot deal with female sexuality that does not center around male pleasure.  I’m not going to pretend we live in that world, we don’t.  But it’s morally bad that those things hurt people because of the world we live in.  They are not morally wrong in and of themselves.

Which brings me, tangentially, to Britney Spears.  I never, ever expected to hear myself defend Britney Spears.  But I am totally on her side.  She’s no longer some fucking pedophiliac concept of unrealistic faux-virginial “sexy” so get back to the trailer park, little girl, and don’t you dare enjoy the youth you never had, and if you do, we’re taking your kids.  All she did was disturb our idealized picture of Teh Sexy Virgin Mama.

Does “just experimenting” even really, truly exist?  I mean, if there’s mutual sexual attraction that two (or more) people act upon – is it really, honeslty experimenting?  I know it’s not my choice to label someone else’s experience.  But I hope that if I were to actually one day have a relationship with a woman, that I wouldn’t be *just* trying to see how much her bits look like mine.


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